Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Sunday, March 10, 2013

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http://www.PaisaLive.com/register.asp?5684136-3675938

PaisaLive - Get Paid to read emails

 

Sanket Barot

JMD Computer India.com

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Goa students to get tablets, notebooks for Rs 25

JMDC Students in Goa can now get a tablet PC or a notebook for just Rs 25.

The digital largesse is a part of the Goa government education department's initiative to familiarise Class V and VII students with computers in order to "prepare them for the life ahead and get them curious about the e-systems", according to additional director education Anil Powar.

"General category students will have to pay only Rs.25 while SC and ST students will have to pay Rs.10 to register for the scheme," Powar told reporters here Tuesday.

The official said that the state government was making arrangements for purchasing nearly 50,000 notebooks and tablet PCs for distribution.

"All the computers will have a special e-learning packages. After a day in class, the students will now be able to revise their tutions at home over the tablets," Powar said, adding that a provision of Rs.95 crore had already been made for the purchase of the computers in the last budget presented by Chief Minister Manohar Parrikar.

All the systems will have inbuilt security systems installed to ensure that the computers are not misused for pornographic purposes and other controversial web applications, but the education department will also take an undertaking from the student's parents before handing over the computers.

"It is a no objection certificate saying they are OK with us giving them the computers. The parents should also be in a position to both goad the students to logging onto the right websites," he said.

The Goa government was the first state government in the country to give out free laptops to students over a decade ago.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Instagram boasts 90 million monthly active users, 40 million photos per day

instagram_owned-jmdcomputer Instagram might have gotten some crazy backlash from its policy changes back in December, for which they pulled an about face and returned it back to normal. However, a lot users were done with the service at that point, and vowed to switch to an alternative. Then again, that doesn’t seem to be scaring Instagram too much, as the company has reported 90 million monthly active users, as well as 40 million photos being posted per day.

AllThingsD notes that the service’s monthly active user base is actually up 10% from last month, so it seems that the privacy policy debacle wasn’t a huge deal for its users after all. Instagram’s Kevin System says that the company “continues to see very strong growth around the world.”

Along with those 40 million photos being posted every day, Instagram says that its users are liking photos at a rate of 8,500 per second and are posting 1,000 comments per second as well. This actually marks the first time that Instagram has posted statistics on its user base, but detailed numbers are still scarce.

According to AppData, Instagram use on iOS and Android actually rose quite a bit late last month, but with use on Facebook falling by 25%. Furthermore, according to AppStats, Instagram apparently saw their active user numbers cut in half to 40 million, but according to Instagram’s own numbers, that’s clearly not true.

Story Timeline
  • SlashGear 101: Does Instagram own my photos?
  • How to Ditch Instagram
  • Five Instagram Alternatives you're going to love
  • Instagram co-founder responds to user outrage
  • Amid Instagram Madness, What Terms of Use Should Take for Granted
  • Instagram updates its terms of service after massive backlash
  • Instagram took the lazy, sneaky way out
  • Instagram iOS and Android update adds new filter, support for 25 languages
  • Instagram Privacy Policy prodded with Class-Action lawsuit
  • Foursquare makes Privacy tweaks, wary of Instagram-style backlash

Instagram boasts 90 million monthly active users, 40 million photos per day is written by Craig Lloyd & originally posted on SlashGear.
© 2005 - 2012, SlashGear. All right reserved.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Samsung Galaxy S3: wireless charging a possibility

imageReports from Korea suggest the Samsung Galaxy S3 may come with wireless charging capabilities allowing you to say goodbye to that fiddly night-time plug in ritual.

According to an anonymous source, Korean publication DDaily says it has been told that the hotly-anticipated Galaxy S3 will allow users to do away with wires as it will arrive with a built in inductive charger.

The source goes on to say that the Galaxy S3 will be able to charge from a distance of 1-2 meters from the charger base.

Look mum, no wires!

Wireless charging is nothing new, with a variety of cases and charging mats currently available on the market to suit a range of handsets and built in wireless charging technology has had its outing in the form of the Palm Pre among others.

JMD COMPUTER India - Outsourcing Website Development India - website development India - e commerce development India

The hope is if Samsung manages to squeeze this technology in a handset, which is already rumoured to boast a quad-core processor, 4G connectivity, HD screen, NFC and a decent camera, it will have refined the process making it more efficient and cost effective.

Being able to charge your phone by just placing it down somewhere near a plug is certainly appealing, but if the base station is not included in the box (which we reckon is more than likely) we still expect a substantial cost to be involved to pick one up.

We're taking this latest report with two large fistfuls of salt, as it would seem unlikely Samsung will be able to keep the weight and depth of the Galaxy S3 down to a reasonable level with all the touted tech it's expected to pack into it.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Which type of woman...

Which type of woman do you like?

1. HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER.

2. WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do anything right, but you can't live without her.

3. EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only your basic needs.

4. SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colorful, and lots of fun.

JMD COMPUTER India - Outsourcing Website Development India - website development India - e commerce development India

5. INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.

6. SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.

7. MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.

8. CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.

9. E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.

10. VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don't try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Golden words are not Repeated

Love your job but don't love your Company,

Because you may not know when your company stops loving you.

- Dr. ABDUL KALAM

What is the Secret of SUCCESS? "RIGHT DECISIONS"

How do you make Right Decisions? "EXPERIENCE"

How do you get Experience? "WRONG DECISIONS!"

- Dr. ABDUL KALAM

Without your involvement you can't succeed.

With your involvement you can't fail.

- Dr. ABDUL KALAM

Best Hosting Provider

You are not responsible for what people think about you.

But you are responsible for what you give them to think about you.

- STANLEY FERRARD

A man is lucky if he is the first love of a Woman.

A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man.

- CHARLES DICKENS

Write your Sad times in Sand, Write your Good times in Stone.

- GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

 

Behind every successful man, there is an untold pain in his heart.

- BILL JACOBS

It's better to lose your Ego to the one you Love,

than to lose the one you LOVE because of EGO!

- JOHN KEATS

Don't make promise when you are in JOY.

Don't reply when you are SAD.

Don't take decisions when you are ANGRYЕЕ.

Think twice, Act wise.

- JMDComputerIndia.com

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Customer complaint - good one !!!

Customer complaint : - Good one!!!

Caller : - Hi, our printer is not working.

Customer Service : - What is wrong with it?

Caller : - Mouse is jammed...

Customer Service : - Mouse? Printers don't have a mouse you fool..!

Caller : - Mmmmm? Oh really? I will send a picture.

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Moral : - Customer is always right listen him thoroughly and believe what he is saying.

The Famous Failed People - LUCK REALLY MATTERS

LUCK REALLY MATTERS

bill-gates-impersonator[1]

Bill Gates: Gates didn't seem like a shoe-in for success after dropping out of  Harvard and starting a failed first business with Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen called Traf-O-Data. While this early idea didn't work, Gates' later work did, creating the global empire that is Microsoft.

eyerman-j-r-walt-disney-of-walt-disney-studios-posing-with-some-famous-cartoon-characters[1]Walt Disney: Today Disney rakes in billions from merchandise, movies and theme parks around the world, but Walt Disney himself had a bit of a rough start. He was fired by a newspaper editor because, "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas." After that, Disney started a number of businesses that didn't last too long and ended with bankruptcy and failure. He kept plugging along, however, and eventually found a recipe for success that worked.

albert-einstein-1[1]

Albert Einstein: Most of us take Einstein's name as synonymous with genius, but he didn't always show such promise. Einstein did not speak until he was four and did not read until he was seven, causing his teachers and parents to think he was mentally handicapped, slow and anti-social. Eventually, he was expelled from school and was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School. It might have taken him a bit longer, but most people would agree that he caught on pretty well in the end, winning the Nobel Prize and changing the face of modern physics.

darwin[1]

Charles Darwin: In his early years, Darwin gave up on having a medical career and was often chastised by his father for being lazy and too dreamy. Darwin himself wrote, "I was considered by all my masters and my father, a very ordinary boy, rather below the common standard of intellect." Perhaps they judged too soon, as Darwin today is well-known for his scientific studies.

churchilldm0302_468x542[1]

Winston Churchill: This Nobel Prize-winning, twice-elected Prime Minster of the United Kingdom wasn't always as well regarded as he is today. Churchill struggled in school and failed the sixth grade. After school he faced many years of political failures, as he was defeated in every election for public office until he finally became the Prime Minister at the ripe old age of 62.

2AbeLincoln1[1] Abraham Lincoln: While today he is remembered as one of the greatest leaders of the nation, Lincoln's life wasn't so easy. In his youth he went to war a captain and returned a private (if you're not familiar with military ranks, just know that private is as low as it goes.) Lincoln didn't stop failing there, however. He started numerous failed business and was defeated in numerous elections he made for public office.

 

The-Oprah-Winfrey-Show-s-Final-Date[1]Oprah Winfrey: Most people know Oprah as one of the most iconic faces on TV as well as one of the richest and most successful women in the world. Oprah faced a hard road to get to that position, however, enduring a rough and often abusive childhood as well as numerous career setbacks including being fired from her job as a television reporter because she was "unfit for tv."

Charlie-Chaplin_1[1] Charlie Chaplin: It's hard to imagine film without the iconic Charlie Chaplin, but his act was initially rejected by Hollywood studio chiefs because they felt it was a little too nonsensical to ever sell.




writer-JK-Rowling--001[1]J. K. Rowling: Rowling may be rolling in a lot of Harry Potter dough today, but  before she published the series of novels she was nearly penniless, severely depressed, divorced, trying to raise a child on her own while attending school and writing a novel. Rowling went from depending on welfare to survive to being one of the richest women in the world in a span of only five years through her hard work and determination.

- JMDComputerIndia.com

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Acer launches Android-based Liquid Metal

Acer has expanded its Smartphone portfolio in the country with the addition of Acer Liquid Metal. Acer Liquid Metal is based on Android 2.2 (Froyo) operating system and runs on 800MHz Qualcomm Snapdragon Core processor.image

Measuring 115 X 63 X 13.5mm inches, the Smartphone has a curved 3.6" display with a TFT capacitive touch screen. The Smartphone has a stainless steel battery cover, which is solid and resistant.

The Liquid Metal supports HSDPA for on-the-go Internet access at speeds up to 14.4Mbps as well as Wi-Fi allowing data transfer 10 times faster than previous devices. The LED signal on the upper part of the telephone notifies the user of missed calls, the need to charge the battery, and new incoming messages clearly.

Acer Liquid Metal's 1500 mAh battery coupled with intelligent power management means you have up to 8 hours talk time and 550 hours in standby mode. Acer Liquid Metal comes with 3 popular keyboard layouts including Clever XT9 predictive text support to save users typing unnecessarily.

Liquid Metal is built in with a pinch to zoom feature, 5-megapixel camera with digital zoom, LED flash with a maximum resolution of 480 x 800 pixels. The camera offers 720p HD video recording as well as autofocus and smile recognition.

Key specs:

* Powered 800MHz Qualcomm Snapdragon Core Processor

* Android 2.2 Froyo OS (5X faster than the earlier versions)

* Display : 9.1 cm (3.6-inch) TFT capacitive touch screen, 16M colors, 480 x 800 pixels resolution

* Fastest Connectivity Suite : HSPA 14.4 MBPS , 3G (3G + WiFI), GPS, Mini USB

* Record video in HD at 720p (30fps)

* Dolby Surround technology , EQ profiles and Dynamic Bass Boost Push Mail

* 3 Predictive Dialers (3 KB with XT 9)

* Superior Battery Life up to 8 hrs of talk time (1500 MAH Battery)

* Top LED Indicator

* Accelerometer sensor for auto-rotate

* Wireless LAN Wi-Fi 802.11 b/g/n, UPnP

* Bluetooth v3.0 with A2DP

* Camera: 5 mega-pixel,auto-focus, LED flash ,Geo-tagging, face and smile detection, image stabilization

* Unique Acer Interface

* Pinch to Zoom option

* 8GB Micro SD Card (up to 32GB)

Available in silver, brown and tiffany Blue colors, Acer Liquid Metal is priced at Rs. 20500.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

ViewSonic ViewPad 10 tablet review

The first dual-boot tablet is surely worth a look, but needs a price cut. 

There are a lot of tablets that have been launched in India within the past few months and more are on the verge of being launched. Most tablet manufacturers have chosen to go with Android as the operating system, whereas few others have chosen Windows 7. However, ViewSonic comes with a tablet that dual boots both operating system, that almost provides the user best of both sides.

Looks & Ergonomics
The ViewPad 10 is not the slimmest or the sexiest tablet out there, but its got a vibrant 10.1” display. There are three touch sensitive buttons on the matte finish bezel that extends below the glossy bezel and perform different functions under the two OS. There is a 1.3MP front camera present as well. The tablet has two full size USB2.0 port, mini VGA port, microSD card slot and 3.5mm audio jack and microphone on the side.  The back has a brushed metal finish with the ViewSonic logo printed in the centre with speakers and heat vent at corners.

 image

The tablet weighs just under 1kg and was easy to use with two hands. Using the tablet in vertical as well as horizontal position did not pose any problem. The brushed metal back and the matte finish bezel provide excellent grip.

Display
The tablet has a 10.1” capacitive touchscreen with a resolution of 1024 x 600 pixels. We loved the touch response on the tablet and multi-touch worked superbly across windows and android. Of course, like every other tablet out there, the large display is a fingerprint magnet and requires cleaning every now and then.

Hardware & Software
The ViewPad 10 is powered by an Intel Atom processor running at 1.66GHz with 1GB of DDR 3 RAM along with 16GB SSD storage. The SSD provides quick boot up and thought the hardware is more than enough for Android, 1GB RAM makes the overall windows experience slightly sluggish. It comes with WiFi b/g/n, Bluetooth, 3G and assisted GPS.  The tablet also has a G-sensor, E-compass sensor and an ambient light sensor.

The tablet comes loaded with Windows 7 Home premium and Android OS v1.6 as operating systems, which can be selected, on start-up. We loved the fact that Windows on the tablet performed the same way on a laptop. In fact, when we tried connecting to the Internet using a Reliance Netconnect USB modem, it worked flawlessly. We installed various windows application and other than the slight sluggishness due to low RAM we faced no issues.

It comes with Android is v1.6 and ViewSonic has no plans to upgrade it on the tablet. The performance on Android is fantastic, though due to the older version the number of apps is limited across categories.

Multimedia
Thanks to Windows 7 and the full size USB 2.0 port, the ViewPad tablet provides for the easiest access to multimedia. Like a standard desktop, various codecs and multimedia player could be loaded allowing the user to play any format of video as well as audio. Watching videos on the tablet was superb due to the large sized display. The sound output from the tablet is not too loud, but is higher than that for personal listening. The sound output in the earphones is great though with excellent clarity.

User Interface
ViewSonic has not done any modification across either of the interface than the standard wallpaper change to Viewsonic’s logo. Windows 7 interface is like a standard laptop, instead of physical mouse and keyboard; the user gets an onscreen keyboard and the multi-touch display to work with. In Android, it’s the same basic android interface that was in phones around a year back.

Conclusion
Although, the tablet has excellent hardware with a great touch-screen display, it’s the dual-boot operating system that is the major advantage over competitors here. However, we barely used the Android operating system over windows as it provided more options. The battery backup of the device lasted us just over a day, which is impressive considering we constantly worked on it and it was connected through WiFi constantly.

The ViewPad 10 is priced at Rs 38,000, which is too steep for an average consumer who now has options in terms of the MSI Windpad at 35,000 and the Apple iPad starting from Rs 28,000 in the same screen size.

Specifications

10.1" LCD screen with Capacitive multi-touch screen

1024x600 with LED backlight

220 cd/m2 Brightness

700:1 Contrast Ratio    

Intel Pine Trail N455 1.66GHz processor

DDR3 1GB SDRAM 667MHz

16GB SSD SATA

Wi-Fi (802.11 b/g/n), Bluetooth 2.1 (optional 3G module) + EDR, 3G and assisted GPS
Windows 7 Home Premium

Android 1.6

0.875 kg

1.3 megapixel camera (front)

G-Sensor, E-Compass sensor and ambient light sensor

Ports-3.5mm audio jack for stereo headset, 2 USB 2.0 ports, mini VGA port, Micro SD card slot

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HP Dreamscreen Review

A fancy desktop with lots of eye candy, but very limited use

HP Dreamscreen
Touchscreen tablets are expected to be the top selling gadget this year. With around 100 tablets announced at CES, touchscreen devices seem to be the direction to go. Looking at all the hype, HP has tried to go a step ahead and instead of providing a portable tablet; they incorporated touch-screen into their new desktop offering called the DreamScreen.

The DreamScreen is pure eye candy in terms of looks. This All-in-one desktop has a large 18.5” display with 1366 x 768 resolution. The display has a clear plastic bezel around the display frame that adds to the looks of the system. There is a large indicator right at the front bottom that looks like a power button, but works only as a power indicator. Other controls are placed on the right hand side. All the connectivity ports for USB and card reader, headphones are placed neatly on the left hand side with additional ports at the back. There is also a slot load DVD drive on the right hand side just above the control buttons. All in all, the Dreamscreen looks very good and can easily add to the décor of a room. The only issue is that it takes a wire with an adapter for power that is clearly visible behind the monitor.

The HP Dreamscreen is powered by an Intel processor and comes with a 250GB hard-drive. There is very little information about the hardware that has been shared by HP. It comes with a mouse and keyboard as well even though the onscreen keyboard of the PC is very responsive and easy to use. It has inbuilt WiFi for connectivity and also comes with an Ethernet port at the back.

The desktop runs on a Linux based operating system, which has been heavily customized.  The interface has been tweaked to be touch-interface friendly. The good thing is that HP has provided large icons to use on the desktop for various activities. You can either log in as the administrator or as an student. The student account has limited privileges in terms of installing and purchasing content. HP has tied up with various vendors to provide content on their machine across categories such as News, music, videos etc. Some content is paid, while other is free. Video streaming is free from various channels, whereas to use application for astrology, you need to subscribed etc. The User interface overall is very easy to use and quick to respond.

What we didn’t like was the operating system is too limited and restricted. It will play media of very few formats, does not remember your last sites/applications and does not even remember you WiFi connection password on restart. Moreover, a user cannot install additional applications, which is a major downer.

The HP dreamscreen is priced at Rs 19,999 and is aimed at the mid-level consumer who wants to have a good looking desktop with internet and multimedia capabilities.
Start your day with the LD2 Daily Bytes newsletter. It's the best gadget advisor in the country.

Whats Hot

- Looks
- Easy to use
- price
- touchscreen
-
Whats Not

- restricted OS
- paid subscription model
- limited media support

Estimated Street Price

Rs 19,990/-

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Interview Tips

Entering in the Room

Enter in the room with due permission of the interviewer. Shake hands firmly and wish the interviewer as per time of day. Radiate your confidence with smile. Dress conservatively. Be always on time. Be a stickler for promptness while answering the questions with aplomb. Spontaneity is the buzzword. Remember the interviewer's name.

Body Language

When the interviewer tells you to sit or gestures you to sit down then do so after thanking him. Look alert. Sit up erect. Maintain eye contact with the interviewer all the time. Speak with confidence and assurance. Interviewers like candidates who are not shaky but are enthusiastic and responsive.

Straight Answers

Answer questions openly, spontaneously without holding back and beating about the bush. Yet be direct and to the point, avoiding long, drawn-out explanations. It never pays to present answers made up of miscellaneous or incongruous ideas.

Keep it Simple and Straight

If put on the defensive (e.g. "Why do you shift jobs so frequently?" Why are you changing now?") answer as simply and succinctly as possible. Keep smiling.

 No Carping

Don't dwell on carping and caviling at faults of manner of previous or present employer.

 Be Courteous

Do not smoke or chew gum during interviews. It shows the disrespect towards interviewer. Do not ask direct questions about salary or other benefits at the beginning of the interview. Do not slouch in the chair, tap your feet, play with eyeglasses, pencil, or fidget nervously.

 Learn about the Company

Do your homework and learn as much as you can about the company and the job requirement.

 Start from the Basics

Prepare and rehearse common questions and answers. For example - What was the nature of your job? What special skills did you acquire? Were any special goals were set for you? What was your day was like on your job? What were your strengths? Weaknesses? Why are you considering leaving your present job? Why are you interested in this company and how can you contribute?

 If you have it, Flaunt it

Ergo, stress your achievements. For example: Processes developed, sales records achieved, systems installed, absenteism reduced, product or production improved, etc.

 Leave the Door Open

Never tell the interviewer that you are not interested in the job. Leave the door open. The first interview is not the place to turn down an offer. Do not tell about interviews you have had or plan to have.

 Ask for the Job

If you are favorably impressed and know all the details of the position, then ask for the job.

 Say Thanks while Concluding the Interview

While concluding the interview, thank the interviewer for the time and consideration given you. Ask when you should meet again to discuss the position further. It often takes several interviews to obtain the job offer. Ask for a business card and give yours in return.

 Don’t be Anxious

There should be no room for anxiety even if you need the job desperately. (The company wants someone who is a winner and in demand.) Don't give the impression that beggars can never be choosers. Ask questions about the position -- show your serious and genuine interests in the duties and responsibilities of the position.

 Besides the Interviewer is No Less Perplexed Over the Knack of Interviewing

Modern industry is highly complex and work life in general, has generated an increasing awareness of interdependency of tasks / roles and the need to understand the individual’s preferred / dominant patterns of behavior, particularly in relation to people and in groups.

Knowledge and skills assessment alone have been shown up to be inadequate in predicting success in roles / organizations. This is further aggravated by the fact that presence of knowledge / skills is no guarantee that they will be deployed as desired.

Personal Interviews as a tool for Selection and internal sourcing, while being the most popular, promises much but often suffers on many counts.

Not enough interviewers are trained in the art of interviews. They are not prepared in advance; the process is often led less by the interviewer’s ability and more by his confidence in his judgment of people. They tend to play pop psychologists.

Not enough time is invested in the process to look for evidence and consistent patterns of behavior, extrapolations, assumptions and conjectures are made about how a candidate is likely to be / behave from limited data about the candidate. Interviewer’s own world-views, biases and prejudices (personal stances) affect his judgment. Focusing on what a candidate "knows" to the near exclusion of a good probe on "what" a candidate has done, "how", and the nature of his interfaces with others and the world at large.

Standardization of interview items and sequence, rigor in established benchmarks for responses andappraisal of responses is shunned as tedious, impractical and at best insipid and monotonous. The bottom line is: Comparisons are difficult and choice making is largely subjective, the "feel good" factor dominating the decision.

It is now well established by research that an individual’s values, motives, traits and other components that constitute the core of personality have a more enduring influence on patterns of deployment of energies and behaviour. Factoring these in decision making on selection, fitness and development planning thus makes sound business sense.

Assessment tools developed by experts to profile aspects of personality provides a reliable basis for data generation about individuals and is time / cost effective! Professionals help in the absence of relevant training to interpret results of these tests is a useful step.

image

TAX...... TAX......... TAX............ What a Great job from Govt. !

1) Qus.: What are you doing?

Ans.: Business.

Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX

2) Qus.: What are you doing in Business?

Ans.: Selling the Goods.

Tax : PAY SALES TAX

3) Qus.: From where are you getting Goods?

Ans.: From other State/Abroad

Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI

4) Qus.: What are you getting in Selling Goods?

Ans.: Profit.

Tax : PAY INCOME TAX

5) Qus.: How do you distribute profit ?

Ans : By way of dividend

Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX

6) Qus.: Where you Manufacturing the Goods?

Ans.: Factory.

Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY

7) Qus.: Do you have Staff?

Ans.: Yes

Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX

8) Qus.: Doing business in Millions?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX ?

Ans : No

Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

9) Qus.: Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?

Ans.: Yes, for Salary.

Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX

10) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?

Ans.: Hotel

Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX

11) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX

12) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX

13) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?

Ans.: Gift on birthday.

Tax : PAY GIFT TAX

14) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX

15) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?

Ans.: Cinema or Resort.

Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX

16) Qus.: Have you purchased House?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE

17) Qus.: How you Travel?

Ans.: Bus

Tax : PAY SURCHARGE

18) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL &

SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

19) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?

Ans.: Yes

Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY

20) INDIAN : Can I die now??

Ans : No, wait we are about to launch the FUNERAL TAX

------------------------------------------------------------------------

2) Petrol Price in INDIA

INDIA Rs. 63.40

Pakistan Rs. 26

Bangladesh Rs. 22

Cuba Rs. 19

Nepal Rs. 34

Burma Rs. 30

Afghanistan Rs. 36

3) BASIC COST PER 1 LITRE 16.50

Centre tax 11.80%

Excise duty 9.75%

Vat cess 4%

State tax 8 %

Total Rs. 50.05

Now extra 13.35 Rs, PER 1 LITRE

What a Great job from Govt. of India …!!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

What is More Costly in INDIA ???

What is More Costly in INDIA,
Petrol, Coffee, After shave lotion, Printer ink???????????????????????????????
surely, your answer will be
PETROL
Scroll down and check the fact
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Diesel (regular) in Mumbai: Rs. 36.08 per litre

Petrol (regular unleaded) in Mumbai: Rs. 50.51 per litre

Coca Cola 330 ml can: Rs. 20 = Rs. 61 per litre

Dettol antiseptic 100 ml Rs. 20 = Rs. 200 per litre

Radiator coolant 500 ml Rs. 160 = Rs. 320 per litre

Pantene conditioner 400 ml Rs. 165 = Rs. 413 per litre

Medicinal mouthwash like Listerine 100 ml Rs. 45 = Rs. 450 per litre

Red Bull 150 ml can: Rs. 75 = Rs. 500 per litre

Corex cough syrup 100 ml Rs. 57 = Rs. 570 per litre

Evian water 500 ml Rs. 330 = Rs.. 660 per litre

Rs.. 500 for a litre of WATER???!!! And the buyers don't even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Kores white-out 15 ml Rs. 15 = Rs. 1000 per litre

Cup of coffee at any decent business hotel 150 ml Rs. 175 = Rs. 1167 per litre

Old Spice after shave lotion 100 ml Rs. 175 = Rs.. 1750 per litre

Pure almond oil 25 ml Rs. 68 = Rs. 2720 per litre

And this is the REAL KICKER...

HP DeskJet colour ink cartridge 21 ml Rs.1200 = Rs. 5714 per litre!!!

Now you know why computer printers are so cheap? So they have you hooked for the ink!

So, the next time you're at the pump, don't curse on country just be glad your Bike / car doesn't run on cough syrup, after shave, coffee, or God forbid, printer ink!

- JMD Computer                                                  Give Comment

kamaal ka salesman

Ek bar ek Shopping Mall ne ek naya gujarati salesman hire kiya. Salary badhne lagi-din dugni, raat chauguni.

Boss ne socha is ladke se mujhe milna hai. Boss Mall par aaya, usne dekha ladka ek customer ko fishing-rod bechraha tha.

Woh door khada ho kar hi usko customer se deal karte dekhne lagaa. Ladke ne fishing-rod bech di. Customer ne kaha kitne rupaye, ladka bola Rs.800/-.

Yeh kahkar ladke ne customer ke shoes dekhe aur bola, itne mehange shoes pahankar fishing karne jayenge? Ek sport shoe bhi kharid lijiye, customer ne sport shoes bhi kharid liye.

Ab ladke ne kaha talaab kinare dhoop mein baithna padega, ek cap bhi kharid lijiye to theek rehega, customer ne cap bhi kharid li. Ab ladke ne kaha, machli pakadne mein bahut intezar karna padega, kuchch eatables, wafer, biscuits, bhi le jayiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid liye. Ladka bola machli pakdenge to rakhenge kahan ? Yeh ek Rs.100/- ki basket bhi le lijiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid li.

Ab total bill bana Rs.2000/- ka.

Boss bahut khush hua. Usne ladke ko bulaya aur kaha, tum to kamal ke salesman ho. Woh aadmi fishing rod kharidane ayaa . . aur tumane usey itna sara samaan bech diya, very good.

Ladka bola, ' Sir, woh aadmi to 'Stayfree' napkin kharidane ayaa tha uski biwi ke liye, maine kaha, char din tu ghar par kya karega, '"Jaa Machli pakad”.

- JMD Computer                                                  Give Comment

How to Save a Papaya?

HOW TO SAVE a PAPAYA FROM FALLING FROM A TREE


Think


Think


Come on keep thinking .......!!


You are thinking too hard.......


But No use!!!


LOOK HERE

image

- JMD Computer                                                  Give Comment

Friday, August 27, 2010

Kutta, Sher Aur Bandar

Ek din ek kutta jungle main raasta kho gaya. Tabhi usne dekha ek sher uskii taraf aa raha hai. Kutte ki saans rookh gayi. "Aaj to kaam tamaam mera!" usne socha. Phir usne saamane kuchh sookhi haddiyan padi dekhi. Woh aate hue sher ki taraf peeth kar ke baith gaya aur ek sookhi hadii ko choosne laga aur zor zor se bolne laga, "wah! Sher ko khaane ka mazaa hi kuch aur hai. Ek aur mil jaaye to poori daawat ho jayegi!" Aur usne zor se dakaar mara. Is bar sher soch mein pad gayaa. Usne socha "ye kutta to sher ka shikar karta hai! Jaan bacha kara bhago!" Aur sher wahan se jaan bachaa ke bhaaga. Ped par baitha ek Bandar yeh sab tamasha dekh raha tha. Usne socha yeh mauka achha hai sher ko saari kahani bata deta hoon - sher se dosti ho jayegi aur usse zindagi bhar ke liye jaan ka khatra dur ho jayega.. Woh phataphat sher ke pichhe bhaaga. Kutte ne Bandar ko jaate hue dekh liya aur samajh gayaki koi locha hai. Udhar Bandar ne sher ko sab bata diya ki kaise kutte ne use bewakoof banaya hai. Sher zor se dahada, "chal mere saath abhi uski leela khatam karta hoon" aur Bandar ko apani peeth par baitha kar sher kutte ki taraf lapka.

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Can u imagine the quick management by the DOG...
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Kutte ne sher ko aate dekha to ek baar phir uskii taraf peeth karke baith gaya aur zor zor se bolne laga, "Is Bandar ko bhej ke 1 ghanta ho gaya, saala ek sher phasaa kar nahi la sakta!" Moral of the story: There are many such monkeys around us, try to identify them.

- JMD Computer                                                  Give Comment

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Letter from Sardarji to Mr. Bill Gates

Letter from SARDARJI TO MR. BILL GATES OF MICROSOFT

subject: Problems with my new computer Dear Mr. Bill Gates, We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button.. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ' Microsoft word ' now he wants to learn ' Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is ' MICROSOFT OFFICE ' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.


Regards,
SARDARJI

Last one to Mr Bill Gates : Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

- JMD Computer                                                       Give Comment

Monday, January 18, 2010

Think Different....... Really Interesting

Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round No one will GET second chance to impress Very very Impressive Questions and Answers

Question 1: What will you do if I run away with your sister?"
The candidate who was selected answered “I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"

Question 2: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant Girl?

- I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband. Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked.

Question 3: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea" and got selected. You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.

Answer: The question was "What is before you (U -alphabet) Reply was "TEA"
( T - alphabet), Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U".

Question 4: Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"?
People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mithila [Janaki's place], and Lanka etc... But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing Narakasura. In Dusavataar, Krishnavathaar comes after Raamavathaar. So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!

Question 5: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

- An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

- An old friend who once saved your life.

- The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car? This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this
would be the perfect chance to ! Pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again... The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

Question 6: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview. Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where you has kept your files."

Candidate confidently put one of his fingers at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table.

Interviewer asked how did you get to know that this being the central point of this table, then he answers quickly that sir you are not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that you promised to ask...

And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness.

This is what Interviewer expects from the Interviewee…

"THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX"

Thursday, December 24, 2009

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.


Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.

If they are counting the
Bricks....
Put them in the
accounts
Department
.


If they are recounting them...
Put them in

auditing..

If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in
engineering -Design.

If they are arranging the
Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in
planning.

If they are throwing the
Bricks at each other.

Put them in
operations.

If they are sleeping.
Put them in
security.


If they have broken the bricks
Into pieces.
Put them in

information
Technology
.

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in
human resources.


If they say they have tried
Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has
Been moved. Put them in

sales.

If they have already left for
The day.
Put them in
marketing.

If they are staring out of the
Window.
Put them on
strategic
Planning
.

And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
Other and not a single brick
Has been
Moved.

Congratulate them and put them
In

Top management

 
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